and so on...

Quite has happened since i last decided to share my life oh
n this useless piece of internet space.

as of now , i am officially

-[once i visit all the places and pick] am moving in with meghynn
-registering for concordia in january
-detoxing completely for the following:
-getting a breast reduction.

the roomate wasnt too pleased with an aspect of my entourage and lifestyle so i was kindly asked to pack my bags , which will lead to better things i hope.

detox will suck.
if youre looking for me , i'll be at home chewing on sugar free candy and trying to keep myself busy.

pascale comes back in a week. fuck yes.

attempt number 2

at going out; failed miserably.


i should have known drinking at 3PM on adderral is just bad news.

hurray for:

a good chance of a high paying job meaning : precription pill relapse, clothes , clothes, clothes....

finally my father and i are going to my school to pay the tuition.

Im thinking of moving to toronto for a couple of months til the summer after that. Just for fucks and because everyone is ending up there anyways.

Ive also never lived in another city and before i make a big step in another fucking country i think its a good way to practice learning how to get around somewhere else.

&it's close to home.

Alissa might be going to russia for the summer so there goes all my future plans of collaborated art with her. oh and my little party partner.

On a better note ,Michelle comes back tomorrow.

ahem

life is pretty hectic up and down; as of lately.

i havent seen anyone but alissa for the past week and a half, omitting random encounters out and about.

in fact it all just seems like a surreal blur.
there were barely any moments of sobriety or sense.

i dont remember faces or memories just anxiety or greed.


i need to figure shit out.

spiderman spiderman radioactive best day ever spiderman

this life's lesson

i am only looking out for myself now. concetrating on the following things:

- shopping
-losing weight/getting my breast reduction
-school
-making a million dollars
-getting my art back on
-making new superficial friends that i can use and who dont care about me
-discovering new music
-reading





ps. obviously the only human being that is exempt from my current hate for humanity is michelle. after further suspiscion i am debating if she is an alien a figment of my imagination.

meow meow

So my dad accepted to pay for school finally.
He trusts i will probably get bored of it after a week , drop out and waste his money again.

I know there's a gleam of hope i will go through with all of this.
I owe him that much.

I lost my brand new ipod yesterday.
It was like losing a child my heart stopped for a second before i burst into tears on the street.

& Michelle without hesitation said "take mine".

People like her shouldnt be allowed to exist this shitty excuse for humanity doesnt deserve them.

Now i cant sleep at night trying to think up an amazing way to tell her i love her and pay her back.

Maybe get a tattoo of her name ..................or maybe not.

2 questions:

1)WHY IS QUEEN LATIFAH SO SUCCESSFUL NOW?

2)who was the best buy employee talking about when he said YOURE SO RETARDED...me? shawn? me and shawn? someone else?

my lessons of the day :

1)everyone should smoke weed before going to best buy
2)cars cant turn left in this fucking city
3)when someone gets out of their car to come break shawn's fingers , we can just turn the window up and pretend he doesnt exist.

moo

Okayy.
This weekend was eventful i suppose.
Got completely tanked with Michelle (accompanied by julian and shane)
& went to nu ravers where i fully managed to:

1- embarrass myself amonst the millions of drunks (dont really care)
2-cockblock alot of drunks (dont really care)
3-hug and tell alot of drunks i love them..meghynn calls them the i love yous ( "...")
4-drop drinks , steal drinks , drink drinks
5-got convinced to give c away to people i dont even like
6-get my picture taken at the most horrible sweaty drunk times

all&all.
i was that girl you usually have to bring home who passes out in the cab and gives her money and drugs to everyone.


AWFUL!

but as much as its lame AND stupid attitude from an outside perspective its fun to be that girl some of the time instead of just shitting on "her."

Right.

So basically this is:

me: writting to myself + some chance a strange entity is bored slash interested in things about my life he couldnt possibly relate to (aka creepo stalker aka the most fascinating humans ) + some chance or a fluke my friends have a sort of interest in "this" as well.

I'd say pretty much = a personal diary.


----

I mean I could make this about some surreal depression or copied pasted phase im going through. I'm sure i'm looking forward to any self analysis i could possibly inflict on myself (if in fact it hadnt already been inflicted on me daily by others//friends/psychiatrists//family).

Personally I don't really care.

Maybe i'm so depressed i'm attempting at dragging everyone down with me or maybe everyone is so self-involved all they can see is fault and mishief in my actions.

I am so out to get everyone . It's ridiculous, right?

Ironically I could be the self involved one , i mean "boo! i just need one friend."

I hungout with my one friend who sees me through thick and shit today.


It was like totally Awesome.

So what am i complaining about....i have one friend.

I want to learn how to knit and sew. I also want a nice boyfriend. And 2 million dollars.

ouchhh!

I just don't understand the concept of second best.


But really i'm just using that slightly touchy subject as a masquerade for the real reason i'm posting ;



GETTING EXTENSIONS NEXT WEEK.


If youve been anywhere near me and my incessant whining about my hair lately you'll make sure to bust out the champagne. I have worried some and more with my recent prescription speed addiction but i'll just reassure it really is no big deal and at least i'm not doing any harder drugs anymore.

The wave of clean living ( well , everyone has their little "en attendant" like cigarettes,caffeine pills, alcohol.. ect) within all the friends who LOVED drugs is kind of refreshing and almost inspiring.

Meeting My one and Only lesbien lover Michelle, gotta run...

no one reads this anyways & i have nothing to read. BORING!!!!

songs always on repeat

So first post...
I just needed some sort of record of my socalled "change your life around phase"

Let's just see how long that lasts.

• I dont perticularely enjoy my new barely employed state.
• Somehow I keep pushing back showing the information for stylist school to my dad even though he is FULLY aware (and borderline supportive) i want to apply and he has to pay.

I'm just a pussy like that.

My mind is pretty torn about New York City. But I'm certainly not there yet.

I will however partly be there with some friends may 31st-june4rth. hurray!